It appears that some publishing houses are planning on putting age-bands on children’s books.  Read this post at Making It Up and sign up to a campaign against it if you feel the same way I (and many, many others do!).

I haven’t blogged on here for ages.  Reason being I feel ill.  Reason I feel ill is that I’m expecting another baby!    I’m starting to feel a little better now so maybe blogging will become more frequent soon - hopefully…

 Oh, and Mopsy turned 3 and I turned 28.  Not quite such exciting news though LOL!

My wonderful, lovely cousin is coming home early.  She’s been in Kenya for the last four months volunteering in an orphanage in Nakuru.  She went to the beach for Christmas and before she got back everything blew up (literally in some cases).  She can’t get back from the beach anyway as there’s no transport but it would be too dangerous for her to try.  She was meant to come back at the beginning of next month but her parents have arranged for her to get to an airport and fly out sooner - should be back next week hopefully :-)  Can’t wait to see her - we love her very much and have been very worried about her.

I believe that nearly all of the difficult parts of parenting are just not meant to be difficult.  Nature does get things wrong occassionally, but not nearly as often as they seem to in our culture.  Parenting is difficult because we interfere with how our children grow up, and because, as a culture, we don’t live as we are evolved to do.  This is what causes the problems.  I’ve been thinking about this so much that I’ve decided to write a series of blog posts about it.  First one coming up now.

There are a lot of things I would be doing differently if other parents hadn’t shared their theories, experiences and reading with me.  I am constantly asking myself whether, on mainstream discussion lists, I should continue this by offering my own experiences and learning with other parents.  The downside of doing this is the risk of being flamed but the upside is that it may give confidence to another parent who is finding conflict between a more mainstream way to bring up children and his/her instincts.  I really wouldn’t be where I am today on my parenting journey, doing things the way I am and the way that feels so right if people already doing things this way hadn’t shared it with me on mainstream discussion lists.  It’s tempting to want to just ‘hide away’ among the groups of like-minded families I’ve found and made friends with - no criticism, just support…and the opportunity for a good rant .  But what about supporting other parents who haven’t had the chance to know some of the things I’ve had the chance to know?  When it comes to breastfeeding, my job is sharing information in a supportive way…it’s what people expect from me…they ask me for that information (if they know I’m a BFC).  When a mother’s saying ‘my child hates school and cries every day and has started wetting himself’, if no one said ‘what about HE?’ she’d never have the opportunity to think about whether that would be an option for her and her son.  If someone does say it, they invariably get at least one negative response from other ‘helpful’ parents.  It doesn’t feel nice.  So sometimes I take the plunge and respond…others I take the cowards option and hope they find out about alternative ways of doing things some other way!

There are some days when I have no motivation at all and the girls behave like horrors and I get very shouty and fed up and dispairing.  Someone said to me, in response to me moaning about these sorts of days: “do they make you rethink your plans to HE?”.  The answer is ‘no’.  It’s not the school-aged child who makes me shout - it’s the toddler!  Toddlers are so hard work.  I just had to stop myself smacking Mopsy for throwing a large brick at Cotton-tail :-(  I said I wanted to give her away to someone else and Flopsy leapt to her defence :-)  Just spoken to Dh.  Flopsy wanted a pyjama day today, but I think that might be the root of the lack of motivation.  Dh suggested getting into bed and starting over again, and, as I can hear Mopsy has yet again expressed her frustration by hurting Cotton-tail in one way or another, I think it’s a very good idea and I’m off to do it right now.

I know I’m probably an annoying, smug earth-mother, but I just can’t resist responding to this list of reasons why Corinne Maier can’t stand having children, even though she has two of her own.  I hope they’re not too upset by their mother’s extremely public admission!

Childbirth is torture - I think this may be the case for some women, but it is often down to the long-standing medicalisation of childbirth, where intervention and interference are the norm and frequently lead to more pain, and more intervention.  In general (in my experience and from talking to other mothers and reading others stories), as long as they’re uncomplicated, natural births, in natural positions, in one’s own surroundings are empowering, exciting and simply wonderful.  There are things mums-to-be can do to increase their chances of having (althought not guarantee) a positive experience of birth so I, personally, don’t think that it’s a reason not to have children.  Also, in the grand scheme of things, the birth part is only a minute portion of the whole exerience of mothering.

You will become a mobile feeding bottle - um…what?  I know some women can’t bear breastfeeding, but for others, again, it’s a wonderful, empowering experience.  Also, breastfeeding is so far from being just about how you feed your baby, it’s about nurturing, calming, loving…ok, won’t go on about it…you all know how I feel about breastfeeding.

You will struggle to continue having fun yourself  - depends what your idea of fun is!  I have loads of fun with my children - they’re hilarious and funny and great company.

You will lose touch with your friends  - nearly all my friends now I have made since having children and, with the exception of one or two, the friendships I’ve made through having children have been far deeper and stronger than any others I’ve had.

You will have to learn a language of idiots to communicate with your children - why?  Children aren’t idiots!

Your children will kill your desire - 1. Desire for what?  2. If that’s true, how come there are families with more than one child?

Children sound the death knell of the couple - sadly I guess this is the case for some, but for us (and for others I know) it’s made our coupleness even more wonderful than it was in the first place.

Having children is conformist - if you have children in order to conform, then yes it is. 

Children are expensive - yes and no…holidays are expensive, but that’s not a reason not to go on holiday.  Houses are expensive but we still buy them. 

You will be duped into thinking that there is such a thing as a perfect child - don’t really understand this one!

You will inevitably be disappointed by your own child - only if you start out with expectations as to how they will turn out and spend your life looking to the future instead of revelling in the present.

You will be expected to be a mother before you are a professional and a woman - I disagree with this.  I feel that I am viewed as a mother alongside my other roles as professional and woman apart from by my children, who need me to be a mother first and foremost while they are young.  I don’t think there’s anything degrading with being viewed as a mother anyway - being a mother is one of the most powerful things you can be.

Families are a nightmare - hmmm….or a dream come true?

Children will put the seal on your childhood dreams - unless your childhood dreams involve having children, of course ;-)  Besides, even if you have other childhood dreams, they can still be fulfilled, just a bit later on in life if they retain their importance through the experience of mothering.

You can’t stop yourself wanting complete happiness for your progeny - I don’t really understand why this is a reason not to have children?  Surely one wants complete happiness for everyone one loves…must be a reason not to love anyone too then!

Staying at home to look after children is breathtakingly dull - yes, it can be at times, but at other times it is exciting and fun and you get to witness the most wonderful discoveries and learning taking place.

You have to choose between motherhood and professional success - possibly.

When a child appears, the father disappears - sometimes, but certainly not always!  Many fathers are very, very involved in their children’s lives and some even choose to stay at home while the mother goes out to work.

There are already too many children on the planet. - possibly - not sure I know enough to argue with this point!

 Children are dangerous. They will take you to court without a second thought - only if you write books telling the world how much you don’t like them!

Ok, this woman dislikes being a mother intensely.  Ok, she’s brave enough to talk about it.  But why tell people not to have children because she didn’t like it?  It’s like telling someone not to eat their steak rare because you can’t stand it that way.  It’s like women who hate men indiscriminately because they’ve had bad experiences with boyfriends/husbands.  I hope Corinne one day finds something positive enough about mothering to change her view of it, and I am sad that she’s written a whole book devoted to her negative feelings about it.  I’m sad for her and I’m sad for her children and I’m sad for anyone who might decide not to have children based on her experience.  On the other hand, maybe anyone who would be put off having children by this list are better off not having them anyway!

Sorry that people are having trouble posting comments.  I’m trying to sort it out.

Edited to add:  It’s now fixed :-)  Thanks Andrea and Ron.

I like their old pseudonyms too much!  I’ll just have to hope that I don’t get discovered ;-)  I was going to post photos anyway, which would totally give the game away.