Some of you will already know we tend to all sleep in an 8ft bed (although Flopsy and Mopsy do have their own bed in their own room that Flopsy occassionally sleeps in). When we woke this morning, after a few books and a bit of hiding under covers and tickling Flopsy suddenly exclaimed “hey! There are a lot of legs in this bed!”. I burst out laughing, and she decided to count them (using her fingers). “Two legs on Mummy, two legs on Mopsy, two legs on Cotton-tail, two legs on Daddy, two legs on me - that’s eight” she said, looking at her hands. Although her working out was perfect, she’d missed out adding on two more fingers when she got to Cotton-tail. I suggested she do it again and that I’d do the fingers for her with my hands. Together we counted on in twos: “Mummy two; Mopsy four; Cotton-tail six; Daddy eight; Flopsy ten”. “Ten! Mummy - there are ten legs in this bed. Five people have ten legs.” Maths in bed - far more fun than maths in the classroom 
Friday morning, eating breakfast
Flopsy: *gasp* Look, Mummy - the grass is all silver!
Mummy: Yes, it’s called frost
Flopsy: Can I go and have a look at it?
Mummy: Yes - do you want to put your shoes on first - it’s very cold outside.
Flopsy puts her shoes on and goes outside. After a minute or two the back door opens…
Flopsy: Mummy, mummy! It’s not frost, it’s ice - come and look!
I go out and she shows me how she’s run her fingers up a blade of grass to pull the frost off and that it does indeed look very like the ice from the freezer. I explain how frost and ice are the same thing, but that we use the word frost to describe the ice that comes when the water on outside things freezes overnight. I go back inside. Then Flopsy comes in and asks for her coat and jumper as it’s really very cold. After a minute or two Mopsy goes out to join her. Flopsy is no longer interested in showing me her discoveries and wants to show Mopsy instead. What I hear is…
Flopsy: Mopsy look - if you hold it in your hands it melts
Mopsy: Oh yeah!
Flopsy: Shall we dig for worms?
Mopsy: Yes
Flopsy: Actually, it’s too cold - shall we go in?
Mopsy: Yes
I’d say not. I think that most HEors who follow an autonomous route do so because, like us, they feel very strongly that it’s the best thing for their children and because, when they pay attention to their children, they realise that it really *is* the best thing for their children. I think it would be pretty easy (and fun, for someone like me who loved playing ’schools’ as a child 
) to have sit-down lessons in the morning; to know what was going on from one day to the next; to know exactly what you are trying to teach your child at each lesson.
I think it’s not so easy to not know from one day to the next what your child is going to ask you to do. It’s not so easy to be ready for anything. It’s not so easy to be constantly resourceful so you can work out ways of doing things and finding out things at the time it’s important for your child to do or to find out something. It’s not so easy to stay up late because your child has decided that’s when she wants to read with you. It’s not so easy to make random food at random times of the day. It’s not so easy to answer one child’s questions while you’re trying to read to another and change another one’s nappy. There is no way a truly lazy parent could allow their children to do autonomous learning. It’s fun and wonderful and exciting but it is not, not, not the easy option IMHO.
I am also in no way criticising HEors who choose a more structured approach - I feel very strongly that all families should do what works for them without fear of criticism from anyone (so long as no one is harmed of course!). I’m just stating the point that I am actually pretty naffed off that either I or one or all of my friends have been labelled as lazy for doing something that has been written about by so many experienced people. I hope the person in question can learn enough from his family and others that will help him change his mind and his perception.
I’m low on motivation to blog and low on motivation to do lots of good things with my children at home. We’re very busy most days, but our at home on our own days are getting more and more boring and frustrating (and also more frequent and longer due to Dh’s changing working hours coming up to Christmas). Maybe I’m suffering from SAD. Some friends and I have set up our own HE group and we have our third session on Wednesday, which I’m looking forward to. We were out this morning, but a friend who had planned to come this afternoon can’t anymore as her son is still unwell so we are trying to amuse ourselves. We sometimes go to collect Dh from work as that shortens our day a bit. Yesterday (yes, my Dh works all weekend sometimes 
), we watched loads of tv but also did quite a lot of other small things - some experiments of the week; pouring water; pouring rice; tracing letters in a tray of rice; playing with the train track (quickly while Cotton-tail was asleep!); pushing eachother around in boxes - but none of them really took up very much time at all and before long they were clamouring for the tv to go on again. I don’t mind them watching tv, except that I find it soooooooo boring myself! And Mopsy gets frustrated when she watches a lot of it - she starts fidgeting and hitting Flopsy.
After we came home from our toddler group, we had lunch while the tv was on. Then they watched Doodle Do which reminded them of the tissue-paper watercolours they do sometimes (which they learnt about from a different episode of Doodle Do than the one they watched today). So we did the tissue paper water colours but unfortunately I gave them tissue paper which, for some reason, doesn’t bleed its ink, so that didn’t work as well as it has done in the past. It didn’t seem to bother them - they just enjoyed the process. While they did that, I painted some papier-mache heads they made ages ago with Dh while I was laid up in bed with a bad back. They’ve been sitting on the table annoying me for nearly two weeks now, so I felt I had to do something with them! When the pink paint’s dry (they’re going to look rather sunburnt), I’ll see if they want to draw faces on them and stick on some wool hair.
Then they decided they wanted to go outside. Flopsy put her shoes on but Mopsy had previously removed her tights so decided to go oustide barefoot despite the freezing cold! They wanted to hunt for worms with spades but were too scared (?) to go inside their play house to get spades. I was too grumpy to help them but reluctantly agreed to go and pick out some from the rain-filled sand-pit for them and then came back inside. Apparently these weren’t good enough and Flopsy stomped back in again, followed by Mopsy a bit later on.
Flopsy watched me play a Kakuro puzzle online while Mopsy washed her hands, and now they’re playing some imaginative game. I can hear them in the room next door and they’re playing really nicely (I wonder how long that will last?). Someone’s called Flip-flop and the game involves pretend beds - a common theme in their games. I can occassionally hear a shriek of frustration from Cotton-tail who is at an age already where she wants to be able to do everything and is very annoyed she can’t. She spent an age trying to hold two pens in one hand earlier on - I remember Flopsy and Mopsy wanting to learn that too at some point.
I’m feeling desperately tired for some reason. I slept well last night so I really don’t know why I’m so exhausted. Must be suffering from SAD! I know I’m not pregnant for many reasons but the most chief of those is that I don’t feel sick - there’s no way I’d manage to be pregnant and not at least feel sick, if not actually be puking!
I’m a bit fed up that we don’t live in the country-side with a big garden with place to explore.
Ok, I can hear the play has turned a little sour. They’re over-involving little Cotton-tail - Mopsy seems to think she can play horses with her. Must go and save her.
If you follow the idea of autonomous learning right through to it’s logical end, then surely no toy is ‘educational’ to a child? The reason I’m thinking about this is because I decided not to get Flopsy something I know she wanted for Christmas because I felt that it wasn’t really much fun getting an ‘educational’ toy for a present and that educational things should just be bought throughout the year. This is totally irrational. It’s not ‘educational’ to Flopsy because it’s something she enjoys doing! I’m bonkers! Don’t worry, we’ve still got her something she really wants, it’s my method of choosing that I’m bemoaning.
I remember being on holiday with my parents a couple of years ago, and for my ‘holiday reading’ I’d brought books to do with my course. My Dad said “don’t you ever give yourself a break from studying?”. I remember feeling a bit miffed at the time, but realised that what he didn’t understand was that I wasn’t studying because I had to, I had chosen to train to be a Breastfeeding Counsellor because I am passionate about empowering mothers and supporting women who want to breastfeed. Therefore, the material I needed to read was of great interest to me. I *loved* every essay I wrote and miss them now that I don’t have any to write. My essay’s were interesting to write and the reading was interesting. I was studying not to gain a certificate, but to learn about a subject that means a lot to me. So my holiday reading wasn’t in the same vein as GCSE revision - if I’d been reading the books but not training to be a BFC, my Dad probaby wouldn’t have made that comment.
And this is the essence of autonomous learning - doing it for yourself, not for anyone else and not for a certificate (unless you want one, of course!). It’s not distinguishing learning from life. It’s allowing children to spend their time the way they want to and if that means spending hours doing workbooks and playing with cuisenaire rods then that’s fine! I’m imposing my own cultural conditioning on my children to even make a distinction between toys meant to subconsiously teach children and toys that are ‘just for fun’. What a wally!
Children’s learning
I’ve had various analogies in my head over the years, with regard to children’s learning and knowledge. The one I’ve had for the longest is that of an ice-berg. Any parent will relate to the experience of a child coming out with something that you respond to with ‘how on earth do you know that?’. Whatever a child chooses to let us see of their knowledge, I am certain that there is way, way more there that we will never know about and, in my opinion, have no right to know about. That knowledge belongs to the child and they can tell us about it if they wish. On a bit of a tangent, I do feel that enforced testing is a real infringement on a child’s rights to their own knowledge - like invading their minds - unless, of course, a child has chosen to be tested in order to gain a qualification or certificate to prove their knowledge.
The analogy that has been forming in my head lately is that of rare wild animals. We know they’re there, but, in an ideal world, we don’t know the details and we leave them well alone unless they come out of their own accord for us to observe them from a distance. Or if we leave food out for them during the winter, they might venture out to eat it. What happens when we actively interfere with the natural living of wild animals? Well, they often get ill. Sometimes they get too frightened to continue reproducing. If we disturb nests some animals and birds will abandon their young. Even if we’re interfering with the best of intentions, we can seriously upset the delicate balance of their lives which can have disasterous results. Is this what children’s learning and knowledge is like? It’s there, going on all the time, without our interference. Just happening. Every now and then a child needs help from someone more experienced and asks for it. Or sometimes the knowledge just pops its head up for us to see - what a privelege! But when we interfere without invitation, who knows what we’re doing to it.
We should just be here as providers of opportunities and as signposts to our children, and nothing else. We should offer them experiences, allow them the chance to discover interests - easy to do with television and the internet being so accessible nowadays, and fun to do with trips to museums/castles/whatever, and cosy and loving to do by sharing books and magazines. We should be open to them deciding not to do the things we suggest. And we should be available to our children to answer their questions and signpost them to other ways of learning about things that interest them.
Finding the happy medium that means we’re doing what our children need us to do but not interfering beyond that is easier said than done, but it’s a standard to aim for 
With Flopsy and Mopsy’s permission, I really want to post about how they’re learning to swim as it really is such a joy to be involved in. We used to take Flopsy and Mopsy when I was about 4 months pregnant with Cotton-tail. There is a shallow (1.5ft) play pool with a slide and a ‘beach’ and a learning pool right next to it with steps and an even-depth floor. Neither of them would let go of us even in the shallow pool when we used to go. Mopsy was still a baby really, and Flopsy was just too frightened and wary, although she loved going to the pool. We really tried to get her to be comfortable in the water and she eventually got to the point where she would walk a few steps in the pool towards us, even without armbands. We stopped going after a couple of months - I can’t remember why.
We’ve started going again and have been about five times now and they absolutely love it. I explained to Flopsy why it was both liberating and (from a safety point of view) important to learn to swim and she agreed she wanted to learn. I asked her if she’d prefer to do lessons, and expressed my concern that she’d want to do it then get scared and refuse once we got there and had already paid up for them. She agreed with my concern. I asked her if she’d like me or Daddy to teach her (there is a 2 adults to 3 children under 4 rule at our pool so we both had to go anyway) and she said she wanted Daddy to. She already had a float but we bought another one for Mopsy and noodles for them both too.
We go into the learning pool first as it’s only open for the first hour, then we go and play in the play pool (well, they play in the learning pool too but you can’t really do learning to swim in the play pool) The first time Daddy showed Flopsy how to hold on to the side of the pool and to kick her legs. They both wore arm bands and Mopsy wanted to have a go with everything Flopsy was doing. Flopsy then kicked her way across the pool but neither of them would let go of an adult’s hand. [Flopsy’s just asked me to watch her doing a jacob’s ladder that she’s just worked out how to do]. Cotton-tail gets cold after half an hour so I take her in and get her dressed and I go and read a book while she falls asleep on me then the older girls and Daddy join us another half-hour later. Dh told me they really enjoyed playing in their arm bands in the play pool and went down the slide a few times.
The next session I suggested that Flopsy have a go with the noodle and take her arm bands off. Big mistake. I really struggle with my desire to be involved the whole time and find it really hard to let go of things to other people. Flopsy really digged her heels in and said that she definitely wouldn’t take off her armbands and didn’t even want to learn to swim any more anyway. So I backed off and Dh tried to undo the damage by doing no teaching at all that day. It worked. Once I went in with Cotton-tail, they both decided to take their armbands off to play in the play pool which is not particularly easy when the water comes up to your chest and you don’t know how to swim! They had a great time.
Fast forward to three swimming sessions later and both of them went into the pool today completely refusing to wear armbands. Mopsy kicked her way across the pool leaning over a noodle with no adult assistance whatsoever. Flopsy can touch the bottom of the learning pool and the water reaches her chin but, despite the fact she’s not swimming yet, she moves around the pool very confidently without holding on to an adult or anything else that floats. She’s very bouyant when she does want to do some ‘learning’ so I’m guessing that very soon she’ll just be launching herself into the water and discovering that she’s swimming. Mopsy’s at the same stage as Flopsy but doesn’t have the advantage of being just in her depth in the pool.
They’re already enjoying the bouyancy and skills they’ve learnt so far and I can see them yearning to be able to swim properly to give them even more freedom and fun. And what a blessing to be able to feel safe in water. And what a privelege for Dh and I to be a part of the process. No regimented swimming lessons for us!
Lowrie Turner really showed herself up yesterday during a tv debate on HE. There was a very eloquent and mature 14 year old HE child on there with her father. They seemed to get on very well and she made a good ‘advertisement’ for HE’d children…well that’s what most people would have thought. Not Lowrie Turner. She decided that it was in fact very unhealthy that a teenager should get on so well with her father, dress in grown up clothes and be so sensible and mature. She’d been in too close contact with her parents, according to Lowrie, and appeared more like her father’s wife than his daughter! Apparently it’s very important that teenagers rebel and how could they do that if they are with their parents the whole time?
Ok, consider this, Lowrie:
Maybe, just maybe, our view of ‘normal’ teenagers is actually just what teenagers turn out like when they’re schooled for 10+ years. When they have had few rights and little respect their entire lives. When they’ve been told what to do and when to do it. Maybe rebelling is not a normal part of teenage life, but something that oppressed people instinctively do as soon as they get the chance. Maybe what is in fact normal, if you allow a child to grow up on their own terms, being respected and taken seriously, is teenagers who are sensible, can hold their own in a debate with an adult (even one who is extremely rude and insulting, Lowrie!), get on well with their parents and other adults and enjoy their company, just as much as they enjoy the company of people around their own age. Maybe there is no natural need to rebel.
Yesterday we were at the swings and there was a group of about 8 older teenagers (in fact, they could actually have been early-20s - students) really messing around. It wasn’t a large playground, but, although there were about 5 young children playing there, the students hogged the whole place. They had upturned a huge tub of ice-cream and were throwing it at eachother and getting it all over the play equipment. They even asked one of the children to get off the roundabout so they could play on it! Does Lowrie think that this is a good thing? That teenagers behave so anti-socially? Lowrie - THIS IS NOT NORMAL OR NECESSARY!!!! It’s people like the playground teenagers who give ‘youths’ a bad name and Lowrie wants them all to be like that!
I can’t rant enough about that woman! But also can’t praise the HE’d child (Simone, I think her name was) and her father enough. They were polite, articulate and simply wonderful. Well done!
Well Flopsy would be off to school next week if we weren’t planning to HE. I can’t get rid of this niggling feeling that she’s going to be really missing out by not experiencing this huge part of our culture. So I’ve decided to do a quick pros and cons (for Flopsy) list to reassure myself we’re doing the right thing:
Pros of HEing:
- She can learn what and when and how she wants
- She can eat what and when and how she wants
- She can play what and when and how she wants
- She can go to the loo when she wants
- There’s less chance of being bullied
- She won’t get bored and get put off learning because of the teaching being tailored to a group rather than to her individually
- She won’t miss her sisters
- She can gain her independence in her own time when she feels ready
- She won’t be at risk of having bad teachers that will put her of learning
- She can learn about real life instead of about
- When she’s with her friends, she can spend the whole time playing if that’s what she wants
- She can be with her friends *and* with her family at the same time
Cons of HEing:
- She’ll miss out on the experience that nearly every other child in the country will have
- She won’t get to have that exciting ‘going back to school’ period with new school uniform and maths sets etc. - actually, that’s not true…we could easily do that for her if she wanted!
That’s it? Ok, we’ll stick with our original decision to HE
