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November 14th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
I’d say not. I think that most HEors who follow an autonomous route do so because, like us, they feel very strongly that it’s the best thing for their children and because, when they pay attention to their children, they realise that it really *is* the best thing for their children. I think it would be pretty easy (and fun, for someone like me who loved playing ’schools’ as a child 
) to have sit-down lessons in the morning; to know what was going on from one day to the next; to know exactly what you are trying to teach your child at each lesson.
I think it’s not so easy to not know from one day to the next what your child is going to ask you to do. It’s not so easy to be ready for anything. It’s not so easy to be constantly resourceful so you can work out ways of doing things and finding out things at the time it’s important for your child to do or to find out something. It’s not so easy to stay up late because your child has decided that’s when she wants to read with you. It’s not so easy to make random food at random times of the day. It’s not so easy to answer one child’s questions while you’re trying to read to another and change another one’s nappy. There is no way a truly lazy parent could allow their children to do autonomous learning. It’s fun and wonderful and exciting but it is not, not, not the easy option IMHO.
I am also in no way criticising HEors who choose a more structured approach - I feel very strongly that all families should do what works for them without fear of criticism from anyone (so long as no one is harmed of course!). I’m just stating the point that I am actually pretty naffed off that either I or one or all of my friends have been labelled as lazy for doing something that has been written about by so many experienced people. I hope the person in question can learn enough from his family and others that will help him change his mind and his perception.
Whenever anyone does anything outside the norms of society, there will always be criticism, but sometimes the criticism, even if meant unhelpfully, can help us re-examine what we are doing and why, so maybe you could see it as a positive? Obviously I’ve never HE’d, but I know that I would need to have some kind of structure, as I am a bit of a control freak!
Comment by Sarah • @ November 15, 2007 @ 9:47 am
Hi Mum
I’m not knocking structure if that’s what works for people - I would just rather that I wasn’t thought of as lazy for following a route that makes sense to me and works for our family.
Love Clare
xx
Comment by
Clare • @ November 15, 2007 @ 11:07 am
On the structure thing, I note about half the time it’s the moms (or teaching parent) who feels they need the structure. It depends a lot on how they run their household naturally.
Comment by
Andrea • @ November 15, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
We’re semi structured here, I don’t think automous (sp) families are lazy, I have a lot of respect and admiration for automous H.E’ers. I would love my family to be less structured but it does’nt seem to work here. Lazy, lol if only!!!
Comment by Amanda • @ November 15, 2007 @ 7:21 pm
Great post, Clare! Very well put.
Comment by Gill • @ November 22, 2007 @ 10:16 am
I’ve made that presumption before (that autonomous equals the easy option)but I’ve never come across an autonomous family I see as ‘lazy’.
I think I made the presumption about it being easy because when we were ‘doing’ autonomy, which at that point I believed and hoped was the right thing for us, it was just too much like hard work…so we stopped it and introduced the ’semi structure’..or organised autonomy thing. I presumed that the only reason why a family would do autonomy would be because it WAS easy for them.
I’d found it so stressful and couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to do make that kind of effort as a choice. Now it occurs to me that some of us do the autonomy even though it is not easy, and some of us do the autonomy because it is easy…erm…if that makes sense. LOL.
The co-sleeping, breastfeeding for years and years and years and home birthing choices that I made were definitely because I was lazy in the traditional sense of the word. It meant I could just chill out and take it easy rather than having to fret or keep to a schedule- akind of healthy neglect in my case! In my case I just saw it as too much hassle to put kids in cots, on bottles from early ages and draggin myself into hospital every time i had to birth. I had hoped that autonomy would be just as easy but it was a nightmare for us. I still admire people who can do it though, and am looking at the autonomous choice more clearly thanks to this eye opening post!
Comment by 'EF' x • @ November 22, 2007 @ 10:33 am