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September 15th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
There are a lot of things I would be doing differently if other parents hadn’t shared their theories, experiences and reading with me. I am constantly asking myself whether, on mainstream discussion lists, I should continue this by offering my own experiences and learning with other parents. The downside of doing this is the risk of being flamed but the upside is that it may give confidence to another parent who is finding conflict between a more mainstream way to bring up children and his/her instincts. I really wouldn’t be where I am today on my parenting journey, doing things the way I am and the way that feels so right if people already doing things this way hadn’t shared it with me on mainstream discussion lists. It’s tempting to want to just ‘hide away’ among the groups of like-minded families I’ve found and made friends with - no criticism, just support…and the opportunity for a good rant 
. But what about supporting other parents who haven’t had the chance to know some of the things I’ve had the chance to know? When it comes to breastfeeding, my job is sharing information in a supportive way…it’s what people expect from me…they ask me for that information (if they know I’m a BFC). When a mother’s saying ‘my child hates school and cries every day and has started wetting himself’, if no one said ‘what about HE?’ she’d never have the opportunity to think about whether that would be an option for her and her son. If someone does say it, they invariably get at least one negative response from other ‘helpful’ parents. It doesn’t feel nice. So sometimes I take the plunge and respond…others I take the cowards option and hope they find out about alternative ways of doing things some other way!
Heh Clair,
In that DVD about freebirthing there is a woman who talks about what her ‘father’s people’ taught her: that it is your “responsibility to remove the rocks you find in your path, so that those that follow do not have to stumble on them.” I thought that idea would be interesting to you in the light of your post. I’ve been mulling over its meaning since I heard her say that.
I’m torn on this question.
I’ve tended toward being a bit of a crusader and it can be exhausting. I’ve also sort of envied the ‘freedom’ of the people I know who do not feel the need to do it at all.
I’ve come to feel that what Ghandi said was good … That you should ‘be the change that you want to see in the world’. I also think that example is always more meaningful to people than anything you can say. People can pick and choose it if it speaks to them, and ignore it if it doesn’t, or doesn’t yet. I also think that you get to a state of readiness for some ideas in your own time, whatever people encourage you to do or think … and that if you are not ready it can be counterproductive to get to hear how great/right it is because you may well discount it in defense.
I find it really difficult (as a sociologist by training) to not see that what is right for some people can be legitimately really wrong for others, or that something that seems so right in one generation can seem so very wrong in the next.
It is difficult with the internet to be an ‘example’ quietly, but what we do in ‘real’ life creates huge ripples in our local pond. People will naturally notice and when some of them take on the idea, maybe develop it, and make it their own, they too will be impacting gently on those around them.
You also avoid getting flamed (usually!)
Comment by Sally • @ September 16, 2007 @ 5:51 pm
apologies for spelling you wrongly Clare!
Comment by Sally • @ September 16, 2007 @ 7:52 pm